I don't want to know you. Because I know you'll let me down. I know you're not who I think you are. I'm taking the steps back, rewinding and erasing the beginning. I'll blur the first few chapters that have led to this point.
I won't know you. I'll end our acquanitance short and quick. I'll cut it off like a piece of string and switch it off like a light switch.
We'll go back to how things used to be. Because I don't want to know you. I don't want to be disappointed.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Hello 16.
I'm reflecting back on my day and I have small snippets that replay in my head. It's like a broken record. I thought it was going to be different and it played out differently in my head. Things are different now but I did expect our years of friendship to mean something more than a few words and one glance. But it's all good. The gust of reality brings shivers to my soul. But it's good. It's real.
Mother. I miss you. I woke this morning realising I was alone. I know you'll be back soon but you missed my birthday. You missed my 16th birthday. I don't blame you.
I was afraid to ask for you to be back by my birthday. But I couldn't. You're visiting your own mother and I won't go in between. I'm sitting here with the last few seconds of my birthday and all I want is one single hug. One single moment with you.
And now my birthday is over.
Mother. I miss you. I woke this morning realising I was alone. I know you'll be back soon but you missed my birthday. You missed my 16th birthday. I don't blame you.
I was afraid to ask for you to be back by my birthday. But I couldn't. You're visiting your own mother and I won't go in between. I'm sitting here with the last few seconds of my birthday and all I want is one single hug. One single moment with you.
And now my birthday is over.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Goodbye 15.
I'm turning 16 tomorrow.
I'm neither happy or sad. My feelings are neutral. I feel like I should be feeling something more. Excitement? Dread? It really just feels like any other day and any other night.
This may be the first year I'm not excited.
I won't ask for much this year.
I don't have any special birthday wishes. This year will not be special, I know that as a fact. Mother's not around this year. My first ever birthday without her and it feels like parts of my soul are missing. Leaving me again with that hollow and empty feeling that I've grown used to.
I remember how I used to count down the hours and minutes. But this year, I really don't have anything to look forward to. It's just another Saturday.
So goodbye 15.
I'm neither happy or sad. My feelings are neutral. I feel like I should be feeling something more. Excitement? Dread? It really just feels like any other day and any other night.
This may be the first year I'm not excited.
I won't ask for much this year.
I don't have any special birthday wishes. This year will not be special, I know that as a fact. Mother's not around this year. My first ever birthday without her and it feels like parts of my soul are missing. Leaving me again with that hollow and empty feeling that I've grown used to.
I remember how I used to count down the hours and minutes. But this year, I really don't have anything to look forward to. It's just another Saturday.
So goodbye 15.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
