Silence

This silence is fatal. It is imprinted with this distinct loudness that I am unable to handle. It kills me more than it should. I care more than I should. I was so sure I tucked away this business. I foolishly built my confidence thick and high, thought I had it figured out. And perhaps I did. But now it's creeping right back up to strike me. It's like a bruise I developed way too quickly and I had finally reached the point where I am indifferent to it. Then this abnormal nothingness punched my internal bleeding, reminding me. Reminding me of the things I wish to avoid. This dead silence is not right. You got me used to something else and now this is what you give me. The intensity is too sporadic, it must be artificial. I remember a time when I didn't notice the silent gap. In fact it wasn't long ago at all. I tripped and fell into this pit and I'm left stuck with this unbearable silence that frustratingly highlights its presence. Making sure I can hear it, see it and feel it. I don't know why this presence and absence can bother me so much. It kicks me away from the normality. The beautifully safe normality. The time was too short. Impossible. This bridge could not have been built so quickly and broken down so quickly. But I am struggling my way through this sinking swamp called my memory, I can't recall the construction. How could this remarkable bridge we built be sabotaged so early? Why did we let the simple silence burn this bridge to devastating ashes? I fail to read and comprehend you. A little while ago, this issue would have been minor in fact completely nonexistent. This wave of frustrating emotions are suffocating and as they lead me, I feel exhausted. What triggered this burdening silence? It was as sudden as my irrational swerving path. It had no meaning, no reason but it was there. It made its position uncomfortably clear and I don't welcome this awful silence at all. I highly dislike this contrast of hot and cold. Why does this affect me? I have absolutely no reason to feel the impact of your burning heat or your frozen coldness. I was once neutral. I will find my way back.