?

Life doesn't always go my way. I know someday my time will come. Everything will make sense one day. I will figure out who I truly am, what I can do and what I want to do.
For now, I'm lost. At a crossroad, confused, please give me a map. And a compass.. Sure, I won't know how to use it but at least it'll look like I'm doing something. Finding that something that is unidentified. At least I'll look productive.
It almost feels like a cyclone has taken everything away. But I'm still caught in the middle of it watching everything fade. But what is everything? Was it all my mine? Was it ever?
There has to be something else out there that will give me purpose, give me reason. I used to hold the reigns but then I loosened my grips and now I've lost all control.
Maybe someday I'll figure it all out. Maybe someday I'll find the pieces. Maybe someday I'll put the broken puzzle of my life together.

You make me better.

You're that force and that push that makes me better. You make me work harder. You make me stronger. I appreciate it. Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for understanding me.
For making me better, I want to say, thank you.

I need it.

When things get rough, you just have to get by. When things don't make sense, you've just got to push forward. There's no point in asking questions. Lately, I ponder in my mental world on a daily basis behind the smokescreens of conversations. But I'm not going to pause anymore. I'm going to move forward, be who I am. I can't restrain it anymore. I'm going to do what I do. I'm not the type of person to stay put. I'm not the type of person to be nailed down by people or circumstances. I've been trying.
But now I'm going to do what I do, going with the flow and moving forward. I won't stop for anyone or anything. Because that's the only way I know. It's the only way I can live. There's no backing down now.
I can't live life on pause. I just can't do it, it's not me. It's not who I am. What's living without mistakes? What's living without bruises and stupidity?
I've been trying so hard to keep everything on hold lately. Dragged myself down to reality and pinned my feet down to the solid ground, thinking it was for the best. But it's not me. I need the fast pace. I need the craziness. I need it all. It's like the substance that keeps me alive. The drug that makes me, me.

Someday.

I know that someday I'll make sense of it all. I know that someday I will find meaning, I will find myself. I will find where I belong. I know this deep down inside. Someday.

"At times I suffer from the strangest sense of detachment from myself and the world about me. I seem to watch it all from the outside from somewhere inconceivably remote, out of time, out of space, out of the stress and tragedy of it all."