Don't you just hate it when you care?

The whole world spins with so much more ease when you refuse to care and bother with the minor details. Life was simpler when thoughts and emotions were kept at the surface. It was safer. But for some reason what if something manages to seep through the resistance or perhaps you experience a moment of weakness and let go of the reins of control. You begin to be dragged down below the surface to a bottomless pit where all you can do is ponder in the tunnel of darkness of your creation. While if you allow yourself to believe and trust, you elevate above the surface perhaps feeling more than you have ever dreamed possible. Feeling exceeding positivity gaining a pass into the world of perfection where rainbows dominate the pretty blue sky and the rabbits hop around on perfectly green grass, or whatever your perfect world may be. Well the point is this perfect world is only temporary. Before you know it this perfect picture of yours will disintegrate and shatter into millions and millions of pieces to the extent that the pieces are no longer visible and no evidence of your perfect world can be seen through your eyes and perspective. It is just like when you finally get your moment of peace and ease on the rollercoaster everything falls down dragging you along with the mess. And you really have no say in what happens and all you can do.. is, scream! haha
It's like greenhouse gases, it has to be at the right level if you let is go too high then you are in a load of trouble. But without it at all our world would be a terrible cold place. Haha, that's what happens when you study for science.

They say it's better off not knowing, and I guess it is safer it keeps you at the surface I mean ignorance is bliss, right? But personally, I like to know things, as much as the truth may strike like a dagger, okay that was a total exaggeration, but you get the drill. As a complete third person outsider, it isn't logical to care about such an issue or the person for that matter. There was no initial shock, I guess a part of me knew the truth well suspected it at the least. Yet a larger overruling part of myself refused to accept the fact and ignored all the obvious signs. Forcing myself to believe my own lies. It is simply beyond logic for this to remain in my mind. I told myself long before that this was nothing of depth. And it was nothing more than curiosity. And damn, don't they say curiosity killed the cat? Pure curiosity, I still believe that is all there was to it. Curiosity of this odd character in this boring world that was it. From the beginning, a part of myself knew you weren't like any other and of course you proved my theory correct. The character you played was.. the only word even close to the description, is well.. different. Like no other. Not what I have known and have grown use to. Perhaps you were like a colour that simply differed to the usual world that screamed bleak and grey. And then the truth was revealed, well I was going to find out eventually, better now than later, some may say. But why do I care? Why does it matter to me?

Don't you just hate it when you care? My initial reaction was blank and plain, and as I had expected neutral. Then I guess it hit me. Without a warning. Like a gigantic life-threatening lightning bolt striking in the plain sky canvas, marking the beginning of a dark rainy era. The words finally reached me and sank in. Took a while, really. But once it sank in, it drowned me. My careless side with a short attention span diminished. My thoughts refused to float away from the absolutely minor issue. Can't really say the whole thing kept on crossing my mind, because it never actually left. It was an unfamiliar place where I cared about the things I shouldn't care about. Sort of lost the whole Switzerland thing I had going on. It really put more effect on me than I would have ever expected. It's like I'm turning into something I never aspired to be. I mentally took the situation and blew it out of proportion and allowed it to control me like a silent puppet master. I'm in a desperate need to dismiss these thoughts that circle my mind. Contemplating about such an insignificant fact is weak and simply foolish. Something I really don't understand.

Huh, blogging does allow thought ventilation.